In the past few years, thanks to journalists, TikTok, and television, the word “polyamory,” or as some of its proponents call it, “ethical non-monogamy,” has entered mainstream American discourse. The word—itself an ungainly combination of a Greek prefix and a Latin root—denotes an equally unsuitable joining of two (or more) people who wish not to be bound by the obligations of fidelity. Kay Hymowitz comments on a recent spate of articles on the phenomenon:
How could polyamory be ethical? First, partners are supposed to be completely honest with each other. They are not hiding their other relationships; therefore, they argue, they are not cheating. Second, they have frank conversations about emotions like jealousy and fear of abandonment designed to anticipate and respect a partner’s emotions. . . . Though few in the polyamory lobby admit it, this means successful non-monogamy requires a particular kind of high-functioning person. They must be exceptionally high in conscientiousness and executive functioning, and exceptionally low in impulsivity.
Geoffrey Miller, a married, non-monogamous professor of evolutionary psychology at the University of New Mexico, wasn’t joking when he said that polyamory benefits from modern inventions like contraception, STI testing, cities with a wide selection of educated partners—and Google calendar.
[Yet] as educated and conscientious as many polyamorists may be, they cannot solve the problem of self-delusion. People don’t just lie to their partners; they lie to themselves. They often aren’t sure what they really want today, not to mention what they’ll want next month.
Read more on Institute for Family Studies: https://ifstudies.org/blog/the-polyamorist-next-door