Like so much of Jewish ritual, the rites and regulations surrounding death and grieving are highly structured. Tevi Troy explains why that’s a good thing:
By giving mourners specific roles, duties, and assignments, the formal practices can help the bereaved strengthen bonds and get support in the most painful early periods of loss.
In a profound and deeply touching ritual, when throwing dirt on the coffin, the bereaved begin with the flat or wrong side of the shovel, to show their reluctance to bury the dead. After that initial—and ineffectual—first shovel, they flip over the implement and do it the standard way. Friends and family line up to help fill the hole. . . .
The year of saying the kaddish prayer three times a day [following the death of a close relative] is a challenging one and can interfere with one’s regular schedule. By the time it is over, one feels relief. When I explained the entire process to a Catholic friend, he said to me, “Even for a Catholic that sounds like a lot.” It is indeed, but the formal rituals also help lead us, as a community, through the valley of the shadow of death that has been far too prevalent in recent days.
Read more on Discourse: https://www.discoursemagazine.com/p/grieving-the-orthodox-way